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LOL! Memphis' Funniest Person

Photo Photos by Nikki Boertman/The Commercial Appeal

Any topic, especially the namesake city, is fair game in search for Memphis' funniest person
By Christopher Blank
May 27, 2006

I was voted Most Humorous in high school. I think that was a nice way of saying "Least Likely to Succeed." -- Jack Lunn

For opening lines, Jack Lunn's was only half true.

Humor got him this far: a finalist spot in the first annual "Funniest Person in Memphis" competition, held in a Midtown bar Thursday night.

He'd been funny enough to make it through the preliminaries. Now he was the first comedian called to the stage in the contest put on by Comedy Tennessee, a two-man outfit that plans to open a new local comedy club on June 15.

Over the next 21/2 hours, 19 standup comics would see how some of their best material cut through the gray curtain of cigarette smoke at Neil's Showroom on Madison.

I read an article the other day said if you drink every day, you are an alcoholic. Thank God I drink at night. -- Tennessee Buford

The comics were of every physical type and joke-telling style. This one was a robust guy wearing a black cowboy hat and swigging from a Jim Beam bottle.

The way he set up a joke, you could tell he'd done this before. And he had, in Memphis comedy clubs, back when there were comedy clubs in Memphis.

Buford had a personal rule for testing new material. "I usually try out a joke three times. If it doesn't work, I'll drop it for good."

He styled himself a "white trash" comedian. But the stage was full of every sort, amateurs and semiprofessionals, speaking on every aspect of human experience: race, politics, economics, gender, religion, marital status, and nearly every taboo known to man.

You know in movies how a guy uses a kid to pick up chicks? It's not as easy as it looks -- pushing my 11-year-old in a stroller through the mall. -- Chris Parnell

Seeing so many people deliver so many jokes (the one above was delivered by Chris Parnell, but not the Chris Parnell who's on "Saturday Night Live") you wonder what exactly does it take to be "The Funniest Person in Memphis"?

John Marks, who created the contest along with his business partner, Sammy Marten, said that determining such a thing "is not an exact science. You look for original material and crowd reaction. The winner is a snapshot of how the crowd perceives you on one night. On another night, the outcome could be totally different."

Marks and Marten, incidentally, are betting that the winner will hold up under the pressure of claiming such a title. The grand prize was a week's worth of paid work in their new club, located at 6102 Macon Road. They, along with three other anonymous judges, picked the winners.

I love watching a little television. Only problem: After a while you start believing what's on television. After Katrina we learned that a hurricane will not hurt you if you're wearing a Weather Channel windbreaker. -- Michael Danziger

Observational humor about everyday situations is useful in mixed company.

Everyone, it seems, watches television, or comes across a strange sight once in a while. The crowd appeared to identify with Cleatis Allen Jr. or 'Cuz,' when he talked about being forced to ride in a friend's "raggelty" car.

The young comedian, who finished as the first runnerup, said he gets some of his best material when he's "alone, cutting the yard."

Other comedians, like Mary Jordan, presented weird cultural references sandwiched together with absurdist aplomb.

As some of you probably know, bees communicate with dance. I built a little bee community and put some poles in there. The bees who used the brass poles were able to earn enough money to pay for their elementary education degrees. -- Mary Jordan

Of course, it just wouldn't seem right if the Funniest Person in Memphis didn't bring up a topic that comes with the title: Memphis.

What's so funny about Memphis? Well, nearly everything, it seems. The biggest inside joke of the evening was simply that nearly everyone in the room -- comedians and audience alike -- was a local.

Skewering one's hometown or general region works best when everyone's invested in the joke.

This is where we put up the red flag. If you can't take a joke, folks, now is the time to move on to Dr. Gott.

Lot of people trying to fight the high gas prices. Some people are riding their bikes to work. That's good if you live in a good neighborhood. This is Memphis. Riding home from work at night? That's some Lance Armstrong s---. -- Dee Thomas

You can always tell when it's summertime in the Memphis area. People in Bartlett get out their jet skis. People in Germantown get their little swimming pools out. People in Nutbush take down their Christmas lights. -- Tennessee Buford

I almost didn't get married. You ever tried to find a used maternity wedding dress? Had to go to Mississippi for that one. -- Chris Parnell

You ever hear (the phrase) "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?" What happens in Memphis follows you all the way to hell. -- Jay Machado

So who triumphed in this comedy crusade?

Drum roll please for the Funniest Person in Memphis: Michael Danziger, 30, a Memphis resident who works in commercial real estate.

Danziger started doing standup comedy in February of last year.

"People had been telling me for a long time that I should do comedy," he said. "I guess I've always been considered funny."

Marks noted that despite being a fairly new comedian, Danziger had already found his "voice."

"You know, Jay Leno once said it takes 10 years doing standup before you really find your voice," he said. "Michael is a rare entertainer because he's been so consistent so quickly."

Danziger performed leaning on a crutch with one foot in a cast. He seamlessly worked his recent injury into his act:

You know, people who say laughter is the best medicine are people who have never tried morphine.

-- Christopher Blank: 529-2305